Sunday June 22
22 June 08 - 06:53
I stayed at the house yesterday morning to do laundry, ironing, etc not arriving at the hospital until about 2 pm. While Jim & I had talked about this, and Miles & Tracey were there when I got there, he admitted to me later that he was very lonely and wants me to come earlier & leave earlier. It seems he had a "bad" night the night before, not sleeping & not getting his pain meds as ordered & when this happens it makes for a long, "bad" day next day. He was still having the wrenching spasms & this time admitted they are painful to his shoulders.
At one point yesterday he was "snippy" with me. Rather than get my feelings hurt, I made him open his eyes & talk to me. (When he is upset or angry, he closes his eyes & shuts me or whoever out. This is his way of "walking away".) He told me he was discouraged & was feeling he would be just like this, in a bed, forever. We cried together & prayed and vowed that no matter what we will share in this together & he will not shut me out. Jim remains firm that God will be glorified no matter what. I share with him the messages I get from all over the country how this circumstance & his reaction to it is touching lives. It is such a reminder that it is not about us, it is about Him.
Temp remained below 100 yesterday, chills in evening, spasms still there. We learned from the Neeuro Nurse Pract. that when we touch him & a spasm hits to not let go but increase the pressure & hold it. This does work, but moving him is hard due to these spasms.
More of Jim's kids come this week. Hopefully this will give me a little more time to catch up at home & work. Please pray for the anxiety I feel when I am not with him. I am still having those episodes of hearing him call me or say my name in my sleep that wakes me up. This is painful; please pray for this specifically. Pray for Jim & me as we come to grips with the implications of long term disability. We still pray for God to perform a miracle & heal him, but we live in the now. Jim is at peace & truly desires God's will as do I also.
Marilyn
six comments:
Hi Marilyn! I have been watching your blog daily but haven’t had a chance to comment yet. Allen was so blessed to be able to see you guys again – he came back reporting an uplifting visit. I wish I could have come too, but probably 4 kids under 8 would disturb the other patients, eh? :.)
Anyway – just wanted to let you know that we are praying for you and that we care.
Love ya,
Sheree and family
Sheree Mann () - 22 06 08 - 14:06
This is such a tough time for both of you, and I continue to pray for you. Anger and discouragement are certainly a part of the grieving process, and you have every right to grieve as you go through this difficult time. God is still on the throne, and I am praying daily for Jim’s healing and for strength for you. I wish I could be there physically for you, but I am unable at this time. God bless you and lift you up!
Elaine Cook () - 22 06 08 - 14:37
Hi Marilyn and Jim, Can you believe it? No cases at Osbourne since my visit. Going to Wisconsin Tues. to cuddle grandchildren for 2 weeks. Case load is light so hopefully won’t miss too many surgeries. I will make a point to come see you two after I return. What’s with these goofy spasms? I will pray for them to subside. Loving you both,
Betsy
Betsy () - 22 06 08 - 18:31
Your entry last night moves me to tears – and to prayer for you and for Jim. I pray specifically as you request and beg the Lord for mercy. The beauty in our tears is that they Bible tells us that they are precious to Him and He saves each one in a wine skin. Isaiah 25:8 says, “The Sovereign LORD will wipe away the tears from all faces.” Our hope is in Him and you are both mighty soldiers in His army!
Susie
Susie Pontious Wellborn () - 23 06 08 - 08:03
Marilyn,
I have not been on my computer for a few days and just got caught up on the hard days you and Jim have had. I think of you both so often during the day and lift you up to our Lord and Savior. I was reminded of times in the last 5 years of my life when I felt my faith was weak and I seemed far away from God. I know that the difficult years that Tom and I have had in dealing with our daughter have brought both of us closer to God and have made our faith stronger each day. I shared with a friend that my faith has gotten me through these struggles. She said to me that it was not my faith but God’s faithfulness that did the work. He is always strong, always loving, always close to the brokenhearted. He never fails us. I know that you both have such amazing strength and faith and it shows in every message that you send. I will continue to pray for God’s arms to give you peace and security.
chris daigle () - 23 06 08 - 16:10
Jim and Marilyn,
Thinking and praying for you constantly! Here is a devotion from Pastor Mark at Calvary – that I pray would be an encouragement and strength in this time!!
Psalm 70:5 “But I am poor and needy; please hurry to my aid, O God. You are my helper and my savior; O LORD, do not delay!”
This is the time to HAVE FAITH!
Unbelief is caused by looking first at the circumstances or situation around you and then looking at God. Faith is always inspired by looking first at God, and then at the situation in the light of God’s power and God’s strength.
Measuring the situation in the light of your own strength will always create unbelief in you life. Live with a God-ward view and your faith will flourish.
“Fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith…” (Hebrews 12:2a)
God is looking for people who can see more in the power of God to deliver than in the power of the enemy to destroy.
After reading this I thought of the verse in
Mark 9:23,24 “What do you mean, ‘If I can’?” Jesus asked. “Anything is possible if a person believes.”
The father instantly cried out, “I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief!”
May the Lord bless you with a double measure of grace today!
April
April Still () - 24 06 08 - 06:44
