Sunday Morning July 6
06 July 08 - 06:35
I just came in from being outside & I wonder how many people never SEE. Never SEE the beauty around them God put there just for pleasure, never SEE the majestic work of the Hand of God, never SEE God in the faces of people around them, never SEE God's work in their own lives or the lives of others. What a pitiable existence! Like Romans tells us, the evidence has been there all along but they will not SEE.
I am not sure what got me on this track except perhaps a clearer revelation, a seeing, yesterday of how small Jim's world is now. I can walk around in his room, walk to the window & view downtown Phoenix, examine anything there to determine what it is & why it is there, see my own toes if I lift myself slightly when reclining, see the things behind me if I twist my body. Jim cannot do any of these things. I do not say these things that you or I might pity him, but that we would understand how his world has been reduced & reduced even further due to the poor or non-existent vision in his right eye.
He said to me yesterday, "This is hard. This is real hard". And Oh, how hard this is! Our world, our existence has been torn apart & turned upside down. We do not know what our future holds, we do not know what will happen to us. Will we be able to keep our home? Where will we live, if not? Will Jim be able to come home? If yes, how will I work & care for him also? How will I care for him? How will he ever be transported anywhere? I am not looking to any of you who read this blog for answers to these or any other of these types of questions. Fisrt of all, they are unanswerable. None of us knows if we have the next moment, much less 6 months or a year or two years from now. Secondly, I shared these questions so you can pray that the enemy of our souls does not bombard me or Jim with uncertainties, doubts & confusion. Our Faith must remain strong! There are times I do not want even to open my eyes & face another day. Jim said to me that God should not have saved his life, that he would rather have gone to be with Him in glory. Even though I understood what he was saying & why, I asked him, "Oh, so you are telling God now what He should do or should have done? Since when do you know better than God?" He smiled & said no, he will SEE what God's plan is in all of this.
There were a coulple of times very early on that I could not understand & I too, asked God why He had not just taken Jim's life. When I first heard those words, "C3", I was devastated! I knew what this meant & what was ahead.How could my incredibly strong husband bear to live as he would have to live, weak & dependant on others for the simplest of his needs. I did not think I could bear it. But SEE! Weak, trustless, fearful, uncertain, questioning the work of God, assuming to know better than God. I will not & Jim will not live this way. We will trust in God, know that in our weakness His strength is made perfect, our uncertainties are when we will rest in Him, and we have not been given a spiirit of fear but of power & love and a sound mind.
Please continue to pray for :
Trust in God to work out the issues with Rehab, if there even are any; swallowing, coughing, spasms, little temp yesterday 99.9, patience. For me, strength, good sleep, wisdom, comfort.
Marilyn
