Thursday October 9
09 October 08 - 07:44
It will soon be five months since Jim's accident, the day that changed our lives in a way we could never have foreseen. Sometimes it seems like just last week or last month and sometimes it seems like forever.
Jim continues to struggle. We were told early on that this would happen, that depression would set in, but Jim thought he would be different, that he would be able to handle life as it is now without becoming depressed. But the struggle against anger, depression, sadness, frustration, and apathy is a moment to moment struggle, not something you "decide" you won't have and are done with it for good. There are too many long days & nights of being unable to do the smallest thing like scratch an itch, change positions, know whether you are hot or cold, etc. All these and more are constant reminders of his utter dependence & helplessness and his inabilities. He worries a lot about me & sacrifices some of his needs because he senses or thinks I am tired or in pain. Jim is always looking for the "good" or some purpose that has come from this situation.
Physically he remains about the same. The shoulders are more & more of a problem. Jim needs to change position frequently to keep down the possibility of bed sores, but the pain in his shoulders makes laying on his side difficult for him. He tries so hard. Some nights I get him all pillowed up on his right side. Then in about two hours or less he calls me to move him because he can't deal with the pain any longer. So I remove all the pillows, try to straighten his legs so I can turn him cause he is sure if he rolls to the other side, his left, that he will be OK. Eventually I get him straightened out & turned on his left - pillows to his back - and I have to hold him on his side with one hand while stuffing the pillows with the other; a pillow between the legs & feet and then small pillows under the right arm & hand to prevent pulling on the shoulder that is already hurting. Inevitably two hours or less he is calling again because of pain in the left shoulder. So I go back, remove all the pillows & put him on his back. Some nights, like yesterday, if he is already in a lot of pain before bedtime, I just let him sleep on his back. Then we both get a better nights sleep.
Last week he was trying to go into the office in his chair & I heard a noise. I looked & saw his foot caught between the chair & the door. Yikes! I hate to see a limb in an unnatural position! He seemed OK but when I was putting him to bed later, I saw his toe had been bleeding & he had just about ripped the nail off his big toe - through his shoe. Yesterday he was not "driving" well, getting too close to the doorframe, running into things. When I questioned him he said he was tired of this driving with his chin. I don't know if he has done any damage anywhere that is not visible to the naked eye. We have to watch because he cannot see his feet or elbows & they are most likely to be injured. Soometimes I get mad at the chair because it is not really outfitted to protect him. It makes more sense to get mad at an inanimate object, doesnt it? I can't get mad at God or at Jim, right? Right.
On another note, it appears the Van is sold as some people came, looked, drove & left a hefty deposit of earnest money. They will return this weekend to finalize. We can then start looking for a van that will accomodate Jim so we can get out of this house. I truly believe one of the things contributing to the depression Jim experiences and the frustration I have is not having the freedom to come & go as we would like. I asked JIm yesterday where he would like to go if we could & he said to the grocery store, WalMart, Mall but probably not out to eat. When I asked why he thought for a while and said because I would have to feed him & that would be embarrassing. We talked about that a bit & he admitted it is probably prideful to feel that way. I hope he can get around this for eating out occasionally would be so normal for us. I expect him to come around as the Lord deals with him for he has on everything else.
We do not forget that in all things God works to the good..... . We continually look for the good, never forsake Him and pray for His guidance & always for healing. Pray for Jim's shoulders, the spasms, his depression that comes & goes, my pain, also. Thank you to those who continue to read this blog & thereby accompany us on this Journey.
In Him Who Was & Is & Is to Come,
Marilyn
eight comments:
Marilyn and Jim,
Tom and I continue to keep you in our prayers. I think of you both so often during my day. I will never stop praying for healing and for miracles in your lives.
love,chris
chris daigle () - 10 10 08 - 14:07
Marilyn & Jim – Just continuing in prayer EVERY day for you! Hugs and more hugs are sent your way! XXOO Kaye
Kaye () - 10 10 08 - 06:13
Jim and Marilyn,
Wanted you to know we’re still following your blog and pray for you constantly! Looking for the Lord’s faithfulness, promises and victory to be revealed more everyday! Thank you for your transparency and the time it takes to keep us involved in your lives!
In His Hands,
Wesley and April Still () - 09 10 08 - 22:23
Hello Jim and Marilyn,
Thank you for continuing to share with us. We continue to pray for both of you.
In Him,
Jim Green () - 11 10 08 - 13:19
I continue to think and pray for you both constantly. Thanks so much for taking the time to blog and allow us to “walk through this with you.” God is good. I continue to pray for His healing and strength.
Susie Pontious Wellborn
Susie Pontious Wellborn () - 13 10 08 - 07:26
Marilyn…. It was so nice to see you last week and visit with you… I would love to be able to help you with what ever I can. Please keep my number and hope that you will call me when you need my help.. 480-926-2920.. Even if I can stop and pick things up for you/or whatever. I pray for you and your Jim for healing and peace…... Jan
Jan Skaare () - 13 10 08 - 17:48
Dear Friends, we are praying day and night as the Holy Spirit brings you to mind, and this has been many times each day during these last 5 months. It is sometimes hard to understand how God can make something good from this suffering but I must remember to trust His promise that He is able to always bring good from suffering. we love you both so much and many tears have fallen as God brings you to our minds eaqch day and night. My prayers are often around midnight, 3:00 am, and dawn…then many times I shoot arrow prayers to God during the day for your comfort and peace during this trial. We love and will continue to pray. We read your blog and then know how to be specific in my prayers. Love, Cathy
cathy and Clyde Besson () - 15 10 08 - 09:01
Sending you my love and my prayers always.
Traci Somerlade (niece)
Traci Somerlade () - 20 10 08 - 12:20
